Trip Report : Pan Cyan 3g (dried) — Lemon Tek! 3rd July 2021, 1.30pm
As usual I woke up on Saturday morning, did my workout, had breakfast and time chill after that. During that moment, I was still contemplating about taking this Pan Cyan on that day or postpone it to the following Saturday, but Shankar convinced me to just take it today and he`ll help me to prepare this Pan Cyan using Lemon Tek method ( “lemon tekking” implies a technique requiring the use of lemons. The concept of lemon tekking involves letting a dose of psilocybin mushrooms sit in lemon, or in some cases lime, juice before consuming them ). After he mixed the pan cyan with a lemon, all I need is just stir for 1 minute in every 5minute of a total 20mins. He said I need to have a good “niat” while stirring it, so I decided to stir it anti clock wise ( to follow the Mekah tawaf way ) and while stirring I was reciting Surah Al-Anas and everytime I do this, my mind was thinking about healing. To heal from apa, I pun tak tahu lah at this point of time.
After 20 minutes, I drank this “oh my god so sedap” mushroom & lemon drink and I even recorded it and shared with Wak. Blindfolded, sitting in my room and waited for the heavy feeling / body to strike.
After 10mins, still feel nothing( still blind folded ), then I asked Shankar to check my heart beat from my fitbit, it was 82 and I still feel “apa ni? tak naik2 lagi pun?” Shankar did mentioned Kumar & Faris tried before and it was nothing. So I was like… “damn it, am I going to end up like them too?” I was so geram but at the same time trying to convince myself that I`m going to get there soon.
Then….. suddenly I started to have this heavy feeling, heavy chest, my breathing became so intense, but I wasn`t really experiencing this headspace shit. It was just a total blackness, I didn`t see things but one thing I know, I feel good about myself. I…suddenly decided to take off the blindfold and the first think I look was at my right hand, it`s ALIVE!!! as if it is a snake… the abstracts, the veins, the whatever shit are moving… then I look at the other hand, also the same.. macam best gilerrrrr… then my eyes direct me to the wall… the vertical lines started to come out in & out, waving, moving. I call it THE BREATHING WALL! then the purifier was “mengulik mayang” to me while smiling andddddddd this next is the best part that happened to me.. the towels hanging on the door, they were dancing ( try to imagine a haiwaiian dancing ), grinning, raising their eye brows and told me “best kan best kan.. hehehehe.. shhhhh don`t tell him”. I started laughing at that point of time and telling myself to be quiet by putting my finger on my lip. “Shhhh.. jangan gelak lebih2 nanti Shankar notice”, I was turning my head to check on Shankar whether he notice about me laughing the suddenly I saw the table lamp was playing hide & seek with me. ( serious! nampak macam orang yang pakai topi kat tengah2 sawah tu) He was smiling, raising his eyebrow, did the hoolah hoop dancing sambil2 tu cak! cak! tu me.. Fuck that was funny, I can`t help but laughing and I immediately remember Ashley during Bamboo village trip.. and also Johny Depp in “Fear & Loathing Las Vegas” — Satu je, aku tak nampak Alien pelik2 macam dalam movie tu.. hahhaahaha.. and now I remember Wak said the feeling of oneness… this is how it felt, everything becoming so alive and start communicating with you.
Then… I was curious and felt this should be experiencing by looking at the nature… I decided to walk out of the room and lepak at my balcony. Pergh… tuhan saja yang tahu.. the trees are swirling, the football field sunken in & out, the distortion of the buildings with some sub due colors of purple, then oranges. ting ting ting ting… colors splash all around. Then Shankar came to me, “You tak nak explore your own headspace ker?” and masa ni muka Shankar pun distorted. I can`t help but laughing.
Nak! nak! bukan aku tak nak! tapi the fact of enjoying this visuals, macam best giler.. I felt the oneness but at the same time I was also curious about the headspace mind. The breakthrough. Apa benda la breakthrough2 ni?
I look at my hands again, and saw the depth of my hands are so clear while the backgrounds were faded… then I decided to blindfold.
MEETING MY DAD
A little girl walking with her dad in a beautiful garden fulled with just the nice long lalang ( not flowers / tress ) , and the father was giving her assurance that things are going to get better ( well that was me & arwah abah )… not much words was saying. It was just a moment between me & my dad and also while I was picturing that ( the little girl & her dad ), I saw the white light tunnel on top of my right head, my eyes, my head were prone to follow that while light, but I felt unreachable, I keep wanting to reach it while seeing that little girl and her dad and still couldn`t, I realize at that point I was crying but smiling at the same time, Then the whole image was gone just like that.
BAD ENERGY
And then…. and then… jeng jeng jeng … suspen sikit.. :-)
As you can see the image here, I was in that state of mind… I saw the darkness, I saw me, I had this urge of removing of the bad energy from the my body. I took a very deep, and deep breath to the extend I had to arch my body (macam exorsicm) Felt like being possessed? I just don`t know. This act of doing breathe in & out keep repeating on and on and it felt like something from above sucking it out, and I was reciting Surah Al-Anas again. I felt heavy fighting with this bad energy that I want to let it out. Trying to use as much as energy as I can to hembus sepuas puas hati all this bad energy to the extend I feel the need to “mengucap” then suddenly I heard azan, a call to Asar prayer. I had a very mix feeling, cried and also some sort relieved and happy.
Felt so weak after that but I still keep wanting to do this process over & over again which I did, but the feeling wasn`t the same as I was experience it the first time.
REFLECTS BUT HORNY (erk!)
About couple of minutes after that, I decided to just laying down on the grass at my balcony looking outside. Felt the body sunken it slowly to the ground and I was even afraid but the feeling SURRENDER instead. Turn my head to the side and the visuals was so lively as if I was experiencing the same visuals when I took LSD but it was during day time. All the objects popping out with colours and so lively, the sound of the surrounding was so soothing but more intense. I feel the sense of appreciation at that moment. So this part, I shall say, time layan visuals sambil gelak2.. sampai la tiber2, rasa horny sampai punggong tertonggek2 and my body rubbing the grass, turn my head to Shankar and he was eating and I was in a contemplation of nak main or nak layan psychedelic experience. Of course I decided to layan this psychedelic experience because sex can wait. haha!
I think by this time, I was in the journey to go back to the reality. Kepala ada ting tong sikit but I was more conscious about my surroundings and I decided to reflect what I have experienced and chit chatting with Shankar. As to what happen next, too controversial to share ;-)
MY REFLECTIONS
- The feeling of oneness, what Wak was saying was totally right, you felt grounded, very closed to the nature and one thing reminds me was about “orang2 gile” that we’ve been seeing outside. I felt they are so blessed stuck in that world and here we are feel so kesian to them. Actually we should be kesian to ourself. Our life is a joke! Reality is suck!
- I don`t know why, I felt like I was having the same frequency with mom & my late dad at the time I was in the moment with dad because I saw a missed from mom around 4.28pm ( 15mins before call to Asar prayers). It`s either the time when I was with mom or the time when I was trying to do the act of healing
- Towards the end of my tripping, I keep seeing the word HEALER, pandang KLCC healer, pandang dekat lake healer, tgk atas healer. What is this? Is it something telling me that I can be a healer? then I connect the dot back in 2015 when mom came out from the operation room and still in the state of anesthesia and my sister was suppose to take care of her, but mom insist me to be with her that time. Could be she wanted my energy as a healer and the night before, when Shankar had an anxiety but he told he managed to cope with it in a different and pleasant way because of my energy.. hmmmm.. am I a healler? I`m still figuring out and still connecting this dot even now. I just don`t know yet.
While I was doing a reflection, telling Shankar what I`ve experienced, suddenly there was a butterfly flew towards my balcony, pause for a moment as if smiling at me and telling me “best kan experience ni?” and flew away saying goodbye. The awwwww feeling was indescribable. Overall, I felt this is the best trip I ever had, the whole different experience. I`m not sure was it a breakthrough or discovery but I was so happy that I get a chance to meet my dad and feel the connection, I felt relieved removing the bad energy that I had in my body and till today I still can forget about the experience and everytime I look at the towels, it reminds me of them smiling at me
Monday
5th July
2.20pm
